In the last century and beyond, the worries of many African moms over their daughters revolved greatly around the issue of, “Is my daughter going to find a man to marry?” This was because a girl could be cast off as a spinster for the rest of her life for absurd, silly reasons! Using the left hand was a stigma, a taboo that made many families fearful of their son marrying such a girl.
Writing from experience, I was born a lefty. Actually, lefty runs on both my parents’ sides. This shows I was not a jerk. Both sides’ blood runs in my veins. Alas, this was wrong for a girl and not so much of a problem for a boy! One of the dictations of my town back then was that lefties were not for girls. Or just say it’s taboo in Yoruba land in general!
I was born in one of the most beautiful towns in Ekiti Land, in Ekiti State, Nigeria. In those days, my town was blessed with lovely landscapes, vegetation, rivers, and mountains. For so long, the town did away with the infiltration of foreign cultures. As a result, my town became one of the country’s most conservative, reclusive, and pure, as they retained their traditions to the end. To date, I’m lost in the lovely, charming, peaceful town where I grew up.
My childhood was spent with my grandmother. She was a traditional midwife and a palm wine trader. In my hometown, granny delivered many children. “Iya Abiye” was her nickname at the time. She was a compass for humanity. Granny was a road map of humanity and kindness and was exceptionally humble in spirit. She was always ready to help people in need. Out of great love for me, if necessary, my grandmother could swim to the bottom of the deepest seas for my well-being. Of course, her granddaughter had to be perfect! So, staying as a lefty woman was not an option. She had to do all that was necessary to rectify it!
“Simple correction was enough for all the girls we knew using their left hands to change to right hands, but your granddaughter is stubborn! You have to do something serious about this.” I recall some women telling my grandmother this and urging her to pray fervently to change me from being a lefty. According to their concerns, “no man would marry me. Certainly, no family would allow their son to marry me.”
The Ekiti family is extended, kinetic in nature, but compelled in their emotions. Instructions and home training were each adult’s obligations. So, back then, one person’s problem was the immediate and extended family headache. It wasn’t a surprise that those women came to show their concerns and annoyance that I wasn’t yelling for a simple correction to change my left hand to the right one. I suppose the left hand is easy to correct in some girls, but not with me.
Other left-handed girls I knew back then who were in the same situation as me seemed to be fine using their right hands, so why not me? I’m sure the question on those women’s minds brought them to my grandmother! So, an aggressive method was adopted to change the blemish that would definitely bar me from getting a husband. My left hand was bound and wound around my neck for days as if it had been broken. Even children with accidental arm fractures weren’t subject to hand suspension. With little concoctions applied to the fractured bones, they were as good as new in those days. I guess I was a stubborn goat when it came to changing the innate in me! It wasn’t fun as I couldn’t use my left hand for days. Eventually, my brain recognized that it was the right hand I was supposed to use. The left hand was, “no-no.”
What benefit do I gain from using my right hand? Well, it’s to be able to have a husband and not be rebuffed by elderly people as well, but to my disadvantage, my handwriting with the right hand stinks! To date, when giving directions or following simple instructions involving the right and left hands, I have needed to alert my brain to follow the instructions. This is simply because the automatic sensor for which hand to use is dull in my brain. The worst part is that I usually make mistakes when my brain is cloudy and focusing on something else. These mistakes sometimes make me look silly to people, unaware I’m a lefty by birth! I’m a strongly left-handed woman, and tampering with what’s innate in me will never give the expected results. In Sudden Dawn, my first novel from the Lost Tradition series, you can read about a mother who is terrified of what will happen to her daughter if she continues to be a lefty.
What are your thoughts on this? Don’t be afraid to share forbidden stories from your neighborhood or topics you’d like to see in my next blog.